Healthy habits vs. self care. What's the difference?

I have been practicing yoga for almost 20 years,

It has truly informed how I live the best life possible.

I can not imagine what my life without it.

The biggest gift I have received from my yoga practice,

is awareness.

It is such a simple concept yet it is everything.

Awareness is defines as: knowledge or perception of a situation or fact.

When I speak of the awareness yoga offered me, this is more along the lines of perception of the self.

The seat of the witness concsciousness.

Being able to see your self from an objective perspective.

It’s kind of an out of body experience.

View yourself from the outside.

Why is this important?

Without it, real personal growth and change is not possible.

Awareness allows you to be objective with compassion,

to yourself and others.

It is simply to observe and allow.

Then, change accordingly to achieve the desired results.

When you become aware,

you take responsibility for your thoughts, emotions and actions.

You can make informed decisions from a place of emotional adulthood,

because you know growth, change, joy and satisfaction are available to you.

There are many ways to stay in tune with this type of mindful thinking.

Meditation, journaling, yoga practice, contemplative walks.

These practices give space for your inner voice, your intuition, to be heard.

Recently, I have had the calling to slow down.

To really take time to just be, think and treat my self with extra care without rushing.

Really noticing my body. What it looks and feels like to the touch.

This is hard for me.

I am on the go most of the day.

I run two business, a house hold, have pets and a 3 year old.

I love every moment of it.

We are all busy.

But we make choices of what take precedent.

These priorities change and should.

If you are not in a cycle of changing, you are probably out of balance.

I know my body, mind and spirit call for different things at different times of the day, month and year.

And surly as I take more trips around the sun, my needs are defined with greater clarity.

For many years, my movement practice, from weight training to hiking, is a daily must do.

If fills me up. Gives me confidence and does inform me of what’s going on with my body.

If also encourages other healthy life style habits like water intake and eating a plant based diet.

however, It is still an active activity.

For many years, really most of my life, this was how I defiend my self care.

It was my number one priority.

As I continue to grow and understand my divine famine nature,

I am called to shift my focus on more subtle activities of nurturing.

The activities may be subtle but the need for their presence and their power, not so much.

The more I awaken to a part of me that may have been dormant for life times,

the presence of deep spiritually activating rituals

is a necessity for growth and personal success.

It is how I KNOW what to do next.

It is my new self care.

With out it, I am foggy and make decisions from a place of shoulds rather than must.

This atonement or realignment,

can come in the form of many things.

From my morning ritual to

lighting a candle for my self and the world.

Or

My personal favorite, walks for the sake of walks. To be with nature, by my self.

No music, no phone, no podcasts. Just me, Gaia, Life and maybe Llewey (my sweet dog).

These practices and more simply put are the things that

FEED MY SOUL.

But the truth is, most anything can with, guess what, AWARENESS!

To answer my own question, the difference between healthy habits vs. self care is just that, awareness.

Adding active awareness to any activity creates an intention and makes it a ritual.

Keep celebrating the ritual that is your LIFE!

There’s room for you here.

If you aren’t sure you know how, email or call me and we can make a time for a free heart to heart coaching mini session. I would love to help you celebrate!

Enjoy today.

Mary

There's room for you here.

What would it feel like if…

You walked into a crowded room and a stranger caught your eye,

started waving their hand saying, come over, pull up a chair, it’s so great to meet you?

You’re rolling up your mat at a yoga studio you have been to a dozen times and the teacher comes over

and says, I am so glad you are part of our community?

During a visit with your general practitioner, they hear your feed back about what is present for you in your mind, body and soul and say,

wow, your insight is amazing, you really have a wonderful sense of self?

You reach for the phone to call your lover to tell them about an upsetting interaction you just had with your Mother

and in that exact moment, they call you and say you are perfect no matter what happens in this life?

In my mind, I would feel held, loved and supported.

I would know someone cared unconditionally and the past flaws and failures didn’t matter any more,

in fact, they never did. I would know I was valid and important.

I would have an unflinching faith in myself that I can accomplish anything I choose,

in fact, I may even be the one to create the new paradigm to follow

for how to create success through joy.

But I would also think that I needed the approval of others to feel

Now, how would you feel if….

You walked into a party of strangers and sat down by the first person that looked interesting and asked how their day was going?

After yoga class you sat for an extra 10 minutes to meditate on expanding your personal energy to source energy so you may be a vessel of attracting abundance.

You start paying attention to and making notes on the phase of the moon during specific times of year

and how your mind, body and soul respond on physical and energetic levels. You don’t rush to google symptoms, you simply refer to your notes, have a

cup of tea and know you just need to rest today.

After an upsetting call with your Mother you sit quietly and repeat the mantra: breathe, relax, feel, watch, allow. You watch as your emotions move like a

wave with a beginning, middle and end. You feel lighter with a greater understanding that another persons actions are not personal, and that you are

control of all of your emotions.

For me, I would feel empowered, confident and in control.

I would feel expansive with less judgments to carry around about my self and others and more room to simply love.

In good times and bad, tough and easy, sickness and health, I would know that my being alive is the proof of my worthiness.

That I don’t need to look outside of my self for the answers to my truth.

That in love, relationships and community, I can take what resonates with me and leave the rest.

A kind ear, words of wisdom and a warm embrace are parts of our humanness that are priceless,

but there is no greater love than your two hands together in front of your heart.

You are your own best teacher, doctor, lover and friend.

Get selfish with yourself.

Take any seat at the table you want and pull out the chair for the next person to sit down right by you.

Know by your own right, you are enough.

Till death do you part, say I do.

There’s room for you here.

Snow Day Workout!

Baby it’s cold outside.

That’s no need to stop moving your body.

In fact, get that blood pumping to stay warm.

Burn some calories so you can sit and snuggle up all day with a good book.

Take advantage of the time to stay in and be still.

Work on a project you have been putting off,

take a nap,

watch a movie.

Here is a realtime workout I did for a group I teach. Enjoy!

Renovating your mind.

Most people don’t know I own a residential remodeling company.

My role is limited, but I do cut tile, answer emails and review bids.

It’s amazing that people send 10’s of thousands of dollars to fix things that aren’t broken.

We take pride in keeping old homes beautiful and functioning, in restoration rather than demolishing,

but the aesthetic pleasure one gets from a newly tiled bathroom,

is fleeting, at best.

Remodeling in many ways is like coaching,

except managing your thoughts and mind,

will actually create real, long lasting pleasure and the skill to allow for all of life’s ups and downs.

When someone wants to remodel their bathroom they get excited.

They start dreaming about this new luxury.

They start Pinning things,

matching colors, tile, accessories.

By using their mind alone and thoughts, before the demo has even begun,

they are already experiencing more feelings of joy and satisfaction.

They make the plan,

save the money,

and hire a professional.

Together the clients and the contractor finalize practical designs, based on their needs and likes.

They get creative, negotiate a price

and get to work.

There is open communication throughout the process of obstacles and decisions that need to be made.

The clients have work they must do for the final product to be the result they want

and the contractor has to show up to fulfill the contract and hold space to keep the project flowing.

The bathroom is complete and beautiful beyond words.

The clients couldn’t believe that space they once loathed, could be so clean, tidy and almost therapeutic.

Showers are now a spiritual experience of self care and adoration.

However, time goes on, soap scum covers the new glass shower door

and the once sparkling grout begins to fade and look dull.

The luster had been lost and forgotten.

The couple has an argument and unspoken agreements about who is responsible for the maintenance of this

new luxury that was suppose to bring so much joy, taking all of their troubles away.

Debt from the project becomes a source of stress and one of the kids is failing at school.

The only things the shower now offers is a place to hide from the world,

but now it holds with it a gentle sting of the promise of a new day that ceased to deliver.

This tale starts to sound grim, but the point is,

life is 50/50, ups and downs ALWAYS.

No matter how expensive your tile is, or how much money you have,

or how few wrinkles you have or how much you weight, or how many flowers your lover buys you.

Until you invest in your mental health, there is not one thing you can change in your world that will take the sometimes subtle sting of life away.

You have to learn to create your own joy from your thoughts, and manage your sadness through a process of allowing.

Get creative.

Start Pinning the life you Think will make you happy

and start living like the person that already has all of those things.

If your thoughts about them can create a sense of joy,

your thoughts about all of your blessings now can too.

If you can’t quite hit the nail,

hire a professional to help you organize the project of renovating your mind.

My name is Mary Wagstaff, I am a mind body coach.

My mission is to keep the beauty and health of your wonderful mind that already exists

through love, appreciation and restoration, not demolition.

You’ll also save a ton a money in the later route to happiness.

When you find the happiness you seek inside, then lets’ talk tile.


How to make more time in your day, you'll be amazed.

Wasting time.

We all do it.

Not doing it takes practice.

Today was a snow day for my sons preschool,

it ended up being a snow day for me too.

If I worked full time, I would have embraced it.

But I only have two days a week that are my full work days.

Where I can created content, coach, teach and meet my accountability group,

without having to hide in the other room,

or compromise my parenting choices.

For whatever reason, since I began paying rent for an actual office space one day a week outside of my house, on Tuesdays,

there has been one reason or another why I have had to stay home with my son.

When I woke up at 5 am to the blanket of snow over the cars and roads, I immediately started in…

Damn it, we might as well be just giving our money away.

I should just take Emmet out of school and go rent a place in Mexico for a month…

on and on, until my partner informed me he had never seen anyone so upset by the first snow day of the season.

Mind you, he had to go to work, using a wet tile saw out in the cold and never said peep.

Touché I thought. This is precisely the work I am coaching people on!

We waste countless, useful hours and brain energy commenting on and trying to change FACTS.

Circumstances of our life we literally have no control over.

The weather being one of them.

Elected officials already in office being another, the family you were born into, what other people choose to do or not do, the past, etc…

The thinking, complaining and trying to come up with impossible new scenarios is more of a waste of time than anything I wish to admit I have done.

Some will argue: but it makes me feel better to get it off of my chest.

Really, for me it perpetuates a feeling I don’t want.

I will give credit that vocalizing something can help to move on from it, just depends on the time inbetween.

The fact that I can focus on some feel good thoughts instead,

is a blessing and one of our greatest gifts, free will.

But think as you may.

I instead decided to stop the puffing and get to work with the couple of hours I did have of silence.

I am recording guided meditations for my 8 Week Coaching Program, from Problems to Power.

This requires focus and quiet.

It was still dark, so it was perfect.

I try my hardest to have my own morning meditation practice and this did the trick.

I don’t script my meditations to classes or clients.

I have an outline but work from deep within my creative connection to what is organic for me.

By the time I was done recording a beginning guide to watching the breath and conscious relaxation,

I was so chilled outl, it was amazing.

My own verbal expression of what is possible IF we focus our attention on something worthy brought the morning full circle.

My thoughts were slow,

my heart was open,

my body was soft.

I was ready for whatever this day had in store for me.

I try not to check my email too early, but I wanted to confirm the school’s closure,

which I did,

but,

I also found a message from an amazing wise woman who received my news letter that was scheduled for this exact morning, right around the time I started in about the snow day.

She thanked me for the inspiring words, and without knowing about what was going on with me,

reminded me of something she had just heard regarding insight of the dreaming aspect of the new moon.

That it is important to be inspired and move into your power and create a life of your dreams,

but to find that balance between ambition and limits.

In other words, what I planned on accomplishing today and what the facts were of my circumstance, was something I needed to figure out how to make the most of and work with.

You and I, we’re smart.

We can use our brains to create amazing, wonderful, out of this world things,

yet we are constantly baulky at that which is not ours to change.

I took Emmet on a sled ride down the street, in the glistening snow as the sun made it’s apprerence for awhile,

to remind me, there’s always a silver lining and there’s no rush.

Happiness is available to me now, when ever I seek it.

I just needed to find the thought to get me there.

There’s room for you here too.

Here’s to all the snow days, bring it on.

If this blog was useful to you, please let me know.

I can coach you through your own snow day.

Schedule a time HERE to set up a free mini session.

Has your PMS intensified after your Pregnancy? Moon mapping your cycle. (for all We'moon at any stage)

All my bleeding ladies,

put your hands up!

You can be at any stage of your cycle, bleeding or not, hysterectomy, menopause or post menopause.

We all still have a womb space where our divine feminine nature lives.

And we all, and I believe Men too, have a deep connection with our celestial Mother, La Luna.

She beckons our attention, poise and awe.

As my three year old just told me, La Luna follows us.

She has been in my view all week, day and night.

Not for one moment will She allow me to forget about my sacred nature as a priestess of the moon,

her humbled disciple and sister.

I have a long, complicated and very intimate relationship with my moon cycle, as do most women.

The most recent chapter of my story with her, we’ll call her Rose, was one about my new role as a Mother.

My son is 3 now, but Rose and I are still hashing out the details.

As would be expected, growing a human in my womb, complicated our relationship, in a good way.

There are many ways to grow and shift your understanding of the womb and Rose, but a baby is sure fire.

My overall experience of life intensified.

During the week before my bleeding, and none of this uncommon, but I felt much less in control over my thoughts, feelings and actions.

I could logically understand it was my hormones and my body giving me information of how it wanted to be treated, but I was, and still am, not use to how drastic things can get. Especailly, if I do not take care.

To the point.

It became very obvious to me that things had changed from Maiden to Motherhood, in my inner and outer worlds on many levels.

The other thing that was apparent, was that every month, the change in Rose had it’s own flavor.

Some months I was a portal of fire.

Others, just a bit down and emotional.

Some, needed more rest.

And again, body aches.

There were moths, like this one, that were pretty even keeled, but my confidence was shot.

This is just a mood, not a 24 hour/7 days a week type of thing.

I am still functioning during these days.

As I became in more communion with the moon itself, I started realizing that the moon was a common denominator in the equation my ever changing relationship with Rose.

On to moon charting. There are many ways to do this. This year, I started using my lovely We’Moon spiral bound calendar, (thanks, Mom!), because the moon phases are already printed, there is plenty of room for writing and it’s just a beautiful ritual in sacred sisterhood.

The day I bleed is the first day, and I write 1-28 on each day proceeding.

From here, I can watch what phase of the moon my PMS cycle falls into.

I write in each day of my 28 days, how I am feeling physically, emotionally, spiritually and anything else that can inform how I plan my schedule.

After 3 or 4 months you will notice some patterns and can start to make a more specific chart of the moon phase during whatever time of your cycle seems most impacted. For example: Waxing first quarter moon, sensitive and sore breasts, days 21-28, generally speaking.

Maybe you don’t start new projects on these days, or take new client calls or have an intimacy meeting with your partner.

You also may not plan a trip or a dentist appointment.

Maybe during a point in your cycle you are usual ready to take on the world. No holding back.

These are the times when you want to book times for making offers or networking.

Even extended family time or travel.

Set your self up for success.

I have done it too many times, where I just need to do the bare minimum and rest.

I end up beating my self up for not getting everything off of my list.

However, if I plan ahead and know what kind of day it’s going to be based on Rose and I, I will plan accordingly.

I’m telling you, it helps a lot.

It takes a little bit of work, but if you do it every night before bed, it becomes a sacred ritual of checking in with your body, mind and heart.

As far as coaching goes, it works just like another emotion.

Recognize it, state it out loud, place it, allow it and watch it change.

No emotions or thoughts last forever.

They do change quicker with less resistance.

Accommodate your needs.

There’s room for you here and I can help you understand, on a deeper level, your own inner and outer workings through Mind Body Coaching.

Email me with a time to set up a phone call.

Luna Blessings. xo

your personal alter

If you could create a ceremony for yourself.

Your essence and all the things that create your human experience,

let’s just call it life,

what would your alter be?

When I ask my self this, the Where, is the first things that comes to mind.

I visualize a babbling brook in the middle of a Pacific Northwest Rainforest.

Would it be your home, or a place in nature, another country even?

What would adorn your sacred alter, this representation of all you are and will be?

Would there be flowers? What kind? Can you smell them? Will there be photos, nature objects or your favorite pair of shoes? There are no rules, this is your sacred life alter.

Who would be present? Your ancestors, spirit guides, animal friends, or maybe just you… your best lover?

When would this life ceremony take place? What’s your favorite time of year? What time of day? Would the moon be blessing you or would the stars be the brightest thing is the sky?

Why? Would would the mood be? Would it be to uplift and support your spirit during a time or mourning or grief or to celebrate an accomplishment or self care and recognition? Or just because you are alive?

Be as wild or as simple as you would like.

Maybe your alter is the setting sun on the beach.

I love this meditation/visualization because it brings into view all of the romantic, beautiful things about our life that already exist. It helps us get cozy in the present moment which is where our dreams are born.

There is no need to wait to celebrate your life.

The one you have is perfect, even if it’s messy and doesn’t feel great.

The reason I know it’s perfect, is because you are here, alive and able to feel all of the feels.

In this moment, you are capable of thinking thoughts that can determine how you feel and act, creating the reality that is your life.

I would love to see your alter come to life!

If you would like to work on this meditation with me in person or over the phone, message me and we will set up a time for a mini session.

Enjoy the ceremony that is your life.

What's your imprint?

Leave everything a little better than you found it.

This is huge.

And actually really easy.

It is how I live my life.

Notice a piece of garbage?

Pick it up.

Grumpy store clerk?

Smile and ask them how they are.

Something fell from someones pocket?

Return the item.

A person needs the door open?

Run ahead to help.

Connecting with friends?

Inquire further.

With a group at dinner?

Wait until everyone has sat down to eat.

Having a meeting?

Put your phone away.

Someone down on their luck?

Stop to say hi.

There are countless ways of leaving the world in better shape.

These are easy and they mean a lot.

Kindness is contagious.

It also makes you feel better about your life.

A little goes a long way.

I want to be a person that notices what needs to be done,

and does it.

Not so I can say I did.

But because I can sleep better at night,

and I grow with more awareness.

Take care of one another and it will catch on.

Lend a hand

Listen deeper

Pay attention

Show up

Lead by example

You’ll be surprised how this changes everything.