Finding freedom in the flow. The truth about work/life balance.

There’s no such thing as a work life balance.

The reason that people find time management and prioritizing so challenging,

is not because of time,

but because as a society, we are out of sync with our natural rhythms.

I’m not here to tell you to read tarot cards or bathe under the moon light,

both wonderfully delightful practices,

rather, I am here to remind you that you,

are of the earth.

You are not a computer.

You were not born with batteries required.

You have free will of thought .

You would not be alive with out the atmosphere of the planet,

or without the other organisms and organic life that thrives here.

Everything moves in cycles and is connected, case closed.

The seasons, the sun, the moon, plants, animals, life and death.

This is the never ending wheel of change that we are part of.

So many of us resist it with all we have.

We hide out to avoid it,

or think, if we can get one more hour of work in, everything will be okay.

Not true.

The truth is, there is a natural ebb and flow to the state of our minds, bodies and essence.

There is no need to give in or fight it, there is simply an awareness first,

and then an allowing that takes place.

We live in a world where things don’t slow down because it’s winter, but we still can.

You may have to wake up and go to work everyday, tend to your children, home and self,

but the approach can shift beautifully along with your ever changing state of being.

If you pick a period of time to observe your energy level and overall desired way of being in the world,

you can start to get closer to how to tend to yourself in line with the cycle of you.

A good time of reference for me is a month.

For woman, their personal moon cycle is a very obvious way to watch your ebb and flow.

This cycle can be observed at all stages of a woman’s life.

From my observations and conversations, men who pay attention, have a monthly cycle as well.

You make simple observations of the state of the physical body, emotional body, and felt self or essence.

Just a few words to describe each.

Write them down.

And then act accordingly.

There are always ways to back off or put more out.

You don’t have to make school lunches everyday.

You can delegate tasks.

Find a more restorative exercise practice.

Go to bed earlier.

Say no to happy hour.

When you are feeling ready to rock,

get up earlier to go for that run.

Be more social during those times.

Finalize your house hold project.

Hire and accountant for crying out loud so that you can work on your art more! (note to self)

Not all the things on your list need to be done all the time, everyday.

If fact, when we force more than we are capable of, things suffer.

Working out of flow can create real stress in the body, too much of this turns into dis-ease.

Blanacing life isn’t about a perfect schedule,

it’s about paying attention to when you have more than enough to give

and when you need to replenish.

Even if the tasks you need to attend to are the same everyday,

there are choices we make that change our energy expendeture.

Mind Body Coaching gives you the tools you need to make flow a part of how you live your life.

It has changed how I approach everything.

It is work, don’t get me wrong, but the results are incredible and so worth it.

I believe reconnecting with our essences of being part of the naurtral world,

is how we can solve many of the problems we face on the planet today.

Start with your own life and see what happens.

Please reach out to if you feel called to incorporate Mind Body Coaching principals into your life.

…there’s room for you here.

mary@yogafiedsoul.com

Grow your life beautiful by the light of the moon: An intention challenge.

Ahhh, the magic of la luna.

Her alluring presence, her rhythmic force.

Our closest celestial sister offers great meaning to our lives, if we allow it.

The deep darkness of the new moon creates the unmistakable opportunity for pause and reflection.

On the clear evenings where the darkest part of a crisp winters night calls to look up,

the brightest glow of the nights stars informs our ability to breathe into life.

The outer shell of the body melts.

The ability to transcend into oneness with all of the cosmos,

to ebb inside of the Milky Way, becomes magnetic.

So here we are, in the presence of another opportunity to reflect yet again on our bountiful lives.

Many of us go through phases of intention setting, doing more or less of a thing.

Abstaining, allowing, pausing.

Yet how does intention become ingrained to create real change?

Ritual.

A moment to celebrate your deepest passions, desires and sacred needs.

This New Moon, the invitation is, to bring your intention to life.

When setting your intention, create the statement in a positive light, with real life feelings and examples.

Find a place to take notes from now until the next new moon.

What ever your intention is, put it into real practice.

This is called a commitment.

Make an extravagant ceremony with fire and roses or as simple as noticing the wind on your skin.

My intention this moon phase is Purification.

My mantra for this: I see my self as a vessel for pure light and benevolence to flow through.

Some examples of how I can create an everyday ritual around this is:

A cleaning diet of raw foods or fasting.

Dry body brushing.

Burning my limiting beliefs.

Tiding and getting rid of clutter in my home.

Smudging.

I will light a candle and drink tea.

I will write down my action, the thoughts and feeling surrounding it.

I will observe the effects after the lunar cycle is complete.

Rituals create change.

They bring the value of your life into the forefront.

They make you more aware, kind and forgiving.

See what la luna has in store for you.

An intention with out action,

is like a seed without soil.

Grow your life beautiful by the light of the moon.

Problems to Power

Everything is perspective.

Struggles are real,

but challenges turn victims into hero’s.

It’s not the absence of fear that creates courage,

yet the ability to move through it that invites transformation.

A problem is defined as: a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome.

Bingo.

Problems aren’t circumstances we let control our lives.

Problems are situations to deal with and overcome.

Complaining, blaming and taking the roll of the victim are not solutions.

This type of inactive behavior does nothing but reinforce the presence of the problem.

Why do we choose to act this way?

It’s instant.

There is little efforting required.

We think it makes us feel better.

It temporarily relives us of our responsibility for all of our thoughts, feelings and actions.

It postpones the inevitable tasks of facing our emotions and setting up boundaries.

Dealing with our problems means we have to use emotional maturity.

We have to take power over how we decide to feel,

and allow other’s to choose the same for themselves.

Taking control and responsibility over what we can in our lives reinforces the habit of thinking on purpose.

This is the act of decrement.

Know what you can change and what you can’t.

When it comes to other people, you do not have control over them,

and they do not have control over you.

Not how you think, feel or act.

Someone’s actions may influence a thought,

but it is always ultimately up to you to decide to think that thought,

no matter how automatic it may seem.

When faced with a problem, spend some time discovering your thoughts about it.

How you are choosing to think.

An example of this could be: I don’t have enough time for exercise.

This is a result of how I am choosing to spend my time.

My thoughts are prioritizing other things.

They are also determining when I go to bed and when I wake up.

I need to understand that 24 hours in a day is a fact that I can not change,

but I do have control over how I spend those hours.

This gives me the power back over my “problem” of limited time, discerning facts from thoughts.

Committing to waking up earlier or going to sleep earlier is the first way to gain more hours.

Time tracking for a week to see where I can trim some fat of unneeded tasks,

is another great way to gain more time.

Problems to power is about asking what is important enough to prioritize.

If I am unwilling to take make the changes necessary

and the problem persists,

the other option is to change my thoughts and allow it to be okay.

This way of problem solving at first can seem overwhelming and not fair.

But when we decide to live like an adult that has free will and critical thinking,

we will start to easily see how managing the mind

is the only way to be in control of life.

I have an 8 week program called From Problems To Power.

I take you step by step through the necessary actions in an effort to getting to know you better,

what you have control over and what you don’t, and how to feel good about all of it.

Taking responsibility for every part of your life can bring up feelings of anxiety and fear.

This just means you are getting closer to the truth.

If you are interested in being the boss of your own life,

I will invite you to a free heart to heart mini coaching session.

Life is a wild, amazing ride.

You can choose to hang on to the outside flailing around as the wheel of change keeps spinning,

or you can decide to sit calmly in the middle, allowing and observing as change moves around you,

like a beautiful setting sun.

In this process you will find,

there’s room for you here.

In inspiration,

Mary xo

contact me here.

There's room for you here.

What would it feel like if…

You walked into a crowded room and a stranger caught your eye,

started waving their hand saying, come over, pull up a chair, it’s so great to meet you?

You’re rolling up your mat at a yoga studio you have been to a dozen times and the teacher comes over

and says, I am so glad you are part of our community?

During a visit with your general practitioner, they hear your feed back about what is present for you in your mind, body and soul and say,

wow, your insight is amazing, you really have a wonderful sense of self?

You reach for the phone to call your lover to tell them about an upsetting interaction you just had with your Mother

and in that exact moment, they call you and say you are perfect no matter what happens in this life?

In my mind, I would feel held, loved and supported.

I would know someone cared unconditionally and the past flaws and failures didn’t matter any more,

in fact, they never did. I would know I was valid and important.

I would have an unflinching faith in myself that I can accomplish anything I choose,

in fact, I may even be the one to create the new paradigm to follow

for how to create success through joy.

But I would also think that I needed the approval of others to feel

Now, how would you feel if….

You walked into a party of strangers and sat down by the first person that looked interesting and asked how their day was going?

After yoga class you sat for an extra 10 minutes to meditate on expanding your personal energy to source energy so you may be a vessel of attracting abundance.

You start paying attention to and making notes on the phase of the moon during specific times of year

and how your mind, body and soul respond on physical and energetic levels. You don’t rush to google symptoms, you simply refer to your notes, have a

cup of tea and know you just need to rest today.

After an upsetting call with your Mother you sit quietly and repeat the mantra: breathe, relax, feel, watch, allow. You watch as your emotions move like a

wave with a beginning, middle and end. You feel lighter with a greater understanding that another persons actions are not personal, and that you are

control of all of your emotions.

For me, I would feel empowered, confident and in control.

I would feel expansive with less judgments to carry around about my self and others and more room to simply love.

In good times and bad, tough and easy, sickness and health, I would know that my being alive is the proof of my worthiness.

That I don’t need to look outside of my self for the answers to my truth.

That in love, relationships and community, I can take what resonates with me and leave the rest.

A kind ear, words of wisdom and a warm embrace are parts of our humanness that are priceless,

but there is no greater love than your two hands together in front of your heart.

You are your own best teacher, doctor, lover and friend.

Get selfish with yourself.

Take any seat at the table you want and pull out the chair for the next person to sit down right by you.

Know by your own right, you are enough.

Till death do you part, say I do.

There’s room for you here.

Renovating your mind.

Most people don’t know I own a residential remodeling company.

My role is limited, but I do cut tile, answer emails and review bids.

It’s amazing that people send 10’s of thousands of dollars to fix things that aren’t broken.

We take pride in keeping old homes beautiful and functioning, in restoration rather than demolishing,

but the aesthetic pleasure one gets from a newly tiled bathroom,

is fleeting, at best.

Remodeling in many ways is like coaching,

except managing your thoughts and mind,

will actually create real, long lasting pleasure and the skill to allow for all of life’s ups and downs.

When someone wants to remodel their bathroom they get excited.

They start dreaming about this new luxury.

They start Pinning things,

matching colors, tile, accessories.

By using their mind alone and thoughts, before the demo has even begun,

they are already experiencing more feelings of joy and satisfaction.

They make the plan,

save the money,

and hire a professional.

Together the clients and the contractor finalize practical designs, based on their needs and likes.

They get creative, negotiate a price

and get to work.

There is open communication throughout the process of obstacles and decisions that need to be made.

The clients have work they must do for the final product to be the result they want

and the contractor has to show up to fulfill the contract and hold space to keep the project flowing.

The bathroom is complete and beautiful beyond words.

The clients couldn’t believe that space they once loathed, could be so clean, tidy and almost therapeutic.

Showers are now a spiritual experience of self care and adoration.

However, time goes on, soap scum covers the new glass shower door

and the once sparkling grout begins to fade and look dull.

The luster had been lost and forgotten.

The couple has an argument and unspoken agreements about who is responsible for the maintenance of this

new luxury that was suppose to bring so much joy, taking all of their troubles away.

Debt from the project becomes a source of stress and one of the kids is failing at school.

The only things the shower now offers is a place to hide from the world,

but now it holds with it a gentle sting of the promise of a new day that ceased to deliver.

This tale starts to sound grim, but the point is,

life is 50/50, ups and downs ALWAYS.

No matter how expensive your tile is, or how much money you have,

or how few wrinkles you have or how much you weight, or how many flowers your lover buys you.

Until you invest in your mental health, there is not one thing you can change in your world that will take the sometimes subtle sting of life away.

You have to learn to create your own joy from your thoughts, and manage your sadness through a process of allowing.

Get creative.

Start Pinning the life you Think will make you happy

and start living like the person that already has all of those things.

If your thoughts about them can create a sense of joy,

your thoughts about all of your blessings now can too.

If you can’t quite hit the nail,

hire a professional to help you organize the project of renovating your mind.

My name is Mary Wagstaff, I am a mind body coach.

My mission is to keep the beauty and health of your wonderful mind that already exists

through love, appreciation and restoration, not demolition.

You’ll also save a ton a money in the later route to happiness.

When you find the happiness you seek inside, then lets’ talk tile.


How to make more time in your day, you'll be amazed.

Wasting time.

We all do it.

Not doing it takes practice.

Today was a snow day for my sons preschool,

it ended up being a snow day for me too.

If I worked full time, I would have embraced it.

But I only have two days a week that are my full work days.

Where I can created content, coach, teach and meet my accountability group,

without having to hide in the other room,

or compromise my parenting choices.

For whatever reason, since I began paying rent for an actual office space one day a week outside of my house, on Tuesdays,

there has been one reason or another why I have had to stay home with my son.

When I woke up at 5 am to the blanket of snow over the cars and roads, I immediately started in…

Damn it, we might as well be just giving our money away.

I should just take Emmet out of school and go rent a place in Mexico for a month…

on and on, until my partner informed me he had never seen anyone so upset by the first snow day of the season.

Mind you, he had to go to work, using a wet tile saw out in the cold and never said peep.

Touché I thought. This is precisely the work I am coaching people on!

We waste countless, useful hours and brain energy commenting on and trying to change FACTS.

Circumstances of our life we literally have no control over.

The weather being one of them.

Elected officials already in office being another, the family you were born into, what other people choose to do or not do, the past, etc…

The thinking, complaining and trying to come up with impossible new scenarios is more of a waste of time than anything I wish to admit I have done.

Some will argue: but it makes me feel better to get it off of my chest.

Really, for me it perpetuates a feeling I don’t want.

I will give credit that vocalizing something can help to move on from it, just depends on the time inbetween.

The fact that I can focus on some feel good thoughts instead,

is a blessing and one of our greatest gifts, free will.

But think as you may.

I instead decided to stop the puffing and get to work with the couple of hours I did have of silence.

I am recording guided meditations for my 8 Week Coaching Program, from Problems to Power.

This requires focus and quiet.

It was still dark, so it was perfect.

I try my hardest to have my own morning meditation practice and this did the trick.

I don’t script my meditations to classes or clients.

I have an outline but work from deep within my creative connection to what is organic for me.

By the time I was done recording a beginning guide to watching the breath and conscious relaxation,

I was so chilled outl, it was amazing.

My own verbal expression of what is possible IF we focus our attention on something worthy brought the morning full circle.

My thoughts were slow,

my heart was open,

my body was soft.

I was ready for whatever this day had in store for me.

I try not to check my email too early, but I wanted to confirm the school’s closure,

which I did,

but,

I also found a message from an amazing wise woman who received my news letter that was scheduled for this exact morning, right around the time I started in about the snow day.

She thanked me for the inspiring words, and without knowing about what was going on with me,

reminded me of something she had just heard regarding insight of the dreaming aspect of the new moon.

That it is important to be inspired and move into your power and create a life of your dreams,

but to find that balance between ambition and limits.

In other words, what I planned on accomplishing today and what the facts were of my circumstance, was something I needed to figure out how to make the most of and work with.

You and I, we’re smart.

We can use our brains to create amazing, wonderful, out of this world things,

yet we are constantly baulky at that which is not ours to change.

I took Emmet on a sled ride down the street, in the glistening snow as the sun made it’s apprerence for awhile,

to remind me, there’s always a silver lining and there’s no rush.

Happiness is available to me now, when ever I seek it.

I just needed to find the thought to get me there.

There’s room for you here too.

Here’s to all the snow days, bring it on.

If this blog was useful to you, please let me know.

I can coach you through your own snow day.

Schedule a time HERE to set up a free mini session.

Has your PMS intensified after your Pregnancy? Moon mapping your cycle. (for all We'moon at any stage)

All my bleeding ladies,

put your hands up!

You can be at any stage of your cycle, bleeding or not, hysterectomy, menopause or post menopause.

We all still have a womb space where our divine feminine nature lives.

And we all, and I believe Men too, have a deep connection with our celestial Mother, La Luna.

She beckons our attention, poise and awe.

As my three year old just told me, La Luna follows us.

She has been in my view all week, day and night.

Not for one moment will She allow me to forget about my sacred nature as a priestess of the moon,

her humbled disciple and sister.

I have a long, complicated and very intimate relationship with my moon cycle, as do most women.

The most recent chapter of my story with her, we’ll call her Rose, was one about my new role as a Mother.

My son is 3 now, but Rose and I are still hashing out the details.

As would be expected, growing a human in my womb, complicated our relationship, in a good way.

There are many ways to grow and shift your understanding of the womb and Rose, but a baby is sure fire.

My overall experience of life intensified.

During the week before my bleeding, and none of this uncommon, but I felt much less in control over my thoughts, feelings and actions.

I could logically understand it was my hormones and my body giving me information of how it wanted to be treated, but I was, and still am, not use to how drastic things can get. Especailly, if I do not take care.

To the point.

It became very obvious to me that things had changed from Maiden to Motherhood, in my inner and outer worlds on many levels.

The other thing that was apparent, was that every month, the change in Rose had it’s own flavor.

Some months I was a portal of fire.

Others, just a bit down and emotional.

Some, needed more rest.

And again, body aches.

There were moths, like this one, that were pretty even keeled, but my confidence was shot.

This is just a mood, not a 24 hour/7 days a week type of thing.

I am still functioning during these days.

As I became in more communion with the moon itself, I started realizing that the moon was a common denominator in the equation my ever changing relationship with Rose.

On to moon charting. There are many ways to do this. This year, I started using my lovely We’Moon spiral bound calendar, (thanks, Mom!), because the moon phases are already printed, there is plenty of room for writing and it’s just a beautiful ritual in sacred sisterhood.

The day I bleed is the first day, and I write 1-28 on each day proceeding.

From here, I can watch what phase of the moon my PMS cycle falls into.

I write in each day of my 28 days, how I am feeling physically, emotionally, spiritually and anything else that can inform how I plan my schedule.

After 3 or 4 months you will notice some patterns and can start to make a more specific chart of the moon phase during whatever time of your cycle seems most impacted. For example: Waxing first quarter moon, sensitive and sore breasts, days 21-28, generally speaking.

Maybe you don’t start new projects on these days, or take new client calls or have an intimacy meeting with your partner.

You also may not plan a trip or a dentist appointment.

Maybe during a point in your cycle you are usual ready to take on the world. No holding back.

These are the times when you want to book times for making offers or networking.

Even extended family time or travel.

Set your self up for success.

I have done it too many times, where I just need to do the bare minimum and rest.

I end up beating my self up for not getting everything off of my list.

However, if I plan ahead and know what kind of day it’s going to be based on Rose and I, I will plan accordingly.

I’m telling you, it helps a lot.

It takes a little bit of work, but if you do it every night before bed, it becomes a sacred ritual of checking in with your body, mind and heart.

As far as coaching goes, it works just like another emotion.

Recognize it, state it out loud, place it, allow it and watch it change.

No emotions or thoughts last forever.

They do change quicker with less resistance.

Accommodate your needs.

There’s room for you here and I can help you understand, on a deeper level, your own inner and outer workings through Mind Body Coaching.

Email me with a time to set up a phone call.

Luna Blessings. xo

your personal alter

If you could create a ceremony for yourself.

Your essence and all the things that create your human experience,

let’s just call it life,

what would your alter be?

When I ask my self this, the Where, is the first things that comes to mind.

I visualize a babbling brook in the middle of a Pacific Northwest Rainforest.

Would it be your home, or a place in nature, another country even?

What would adorn your sacred alter, this representation of all you are and will be?

Would there be flowers? What kind? Can you smell them? Will there be photos, nature objects or your favorite pair of shoes? There are no rules, this is your sacred life alter.

Who would be present? Your ancestors, spirit guides, animal friends, or maybe just you… your best lover?

When would this life ceremony take place? What’s your favorite time of year? What time of day? Would the moon be blessing you or would the stars be the brightest thing is the sky?

Why? Would would the mood be? Would it be to uplift and support your spirit during a time or mourning or grief or to celebrate an accomplishment or self care and recognition? Or just because you are alive?

Be as wild or as simple as you would like.

Maybe your alter is the setting sun on the beach.

I love this meditation/visualization because it brings into view all of the romantic, beautiful things about our life that already exist. It helps us get cozy in the present moment which is where our dreams are born.

There is no need to wait to celebrate your life.

The one you have is perfect, even if it’s messy and doesn’t feel great.

The reason I know it’s perfect, is because you are here, alive and able to feel all of the feels.

In this moment, you are capable of thinking thoughts that can determine how you feel and act, creating the reality that is your life.

I would love to see your alter come to life!

If you would like to work on this meditation with me in person or over the phone, message me and we will set up a time for a mini session.

Enjoy the ceremony that is your life.

Year of the Impeccable Boss

I have been writing a lot about future focus.

I have a lot of new ventures on the horizon

and I can’t wait to dive in with intentions and a ground work laid.

I tell my clients that the future is just a story,

so tell yourself the best one.

I also teach them how to live your fullest life in the present.

This is how you create your future.

You can project the brightest story

where you win every time,

but unless you take action in the direction of that story,

which happens in the present,

the future story untold, will likely end up with a similar flavor of the past.

If you gave your 2019 a title that invoked what you needed to hone in on,

to actualize your future dream story, what would it be?

Mine is: Impeccable Boss.

For my self, my clients, my community, my family and my students.

I want to show up prepared for everything in do, in mind, body and heart.

I will create an atainable schedule and honor it.

I will know what my priorities are

and not allow my self to be distracted with that which does not serve my growth.

I will rest in sweet surrender when the moon casts her shadow upon me.

I will soften the layer just below my outer shell that longs for collaboration and sisterhood.

I will make art and love all of my down time.

I will treat my self with sovereign tenderness.

I will lead by example as to what is possible for growth.

Compassion will be my guide.

Unflinching faith will be my rock.

Deep listening will be my fairy Godmother.

Starting January 15th, I will be moving into an amazing wellness center here in Portland, OR, where I will see Mind Body Coaching Clients and lead my Mind Body Ritual Yoga class. This is a safe space where we can work together to make a theme for your 2019 and remove any obstacles in your way. Email me to set up an initial mini session to chat!

Oh the Thinks you can Think!

As the year comes to a close,

light is limited and

the working world slows a little to invite time for celebrating.

It is the perfect opportunity

to take the time now, while you have it,

to ask your self what is present for me?

We spend our days filling our minds with thoughts that distract us from our real goals.

It’s time, for me anyway, to stop the needless distraction,

and get focused on the nitty-gritty.

I often use the excuse that I can’t get real work done when I am home with my son.

But the truth is, if it is a priority, I can make a schedule that works.

What is important to you?

What problems would you like to solve?

What are the real “facts” about your situation

and what is created mind drama?

If you can sift through the BS of your mind,

you’ll find there is plenty ample opportunity

to spend your time in a way that produces the results you are looking for.

We distract our minds for many reasons.

One, because we are scared of failure,

and two, because when we get crystal clear about who is in charge,

there’s no one else to blame.

Failure is nothing but being in the exact same place a you are now,

except you have more information for the next attempt,

and you can at least say you tried.

When we do nothing, there’s no chance for success.

And self responsibility…it’s time to take your power back.

It’s actually very empowering,

to take the time, to manage your life

by managing your mind.

With practice we can choose what thoughts to think on propose.

Then we take responsibility for the choice of how to spend our time, money and energy.

I am empowering my self to talk less and reflect more.

To use the time I would be “venting” or expressing my self about my life,

and write, read or meditate.

With this I can better understand what thoughts are no longer of service.

I think it’s 100% necessary to self reflect if you are interested in growth, in any area of your life.

I have a ton of tools that can help you start thinking the thinks that are inline with the life you most desire.

Contact me to talk about Mind Body Coaching.

-Think! Think and wonder. Wonder and think. Oh the Thinks you can Think up, only if you try! (Dr. Seuss)

Beginners Mind

Before you knew about a thing,

there was no judgement.

Especially in today’s western world,

we seem to be growing up quicker.

There is almost no choice.

Because of the continuous exposure to false pleasures, and pressures to be happy,

we want all of the things at a younger and younger age.

Growing up fast doesn’t mean you are better equipped emotionally,

in fact, I think the imbalance between societal maturity

and emotional intelligence is extremely harmful.

Beginners mind is a concept I have studied over the years through my yoga practice

and other eastern arts and philosophies.

It is an idea that we can shift our perspective

back to before the mind was jaded and judging,

look at the same situation, person or event

as though we are experiancing it for the first time.

This isn’t easy, but a great practice in mindful thinking.

Remembering we are in control of our thoughts in any moment.

The fact is, that each moment IS a new experience.

We prejudge so much of our life,

that we don’t allow ourselves the moments of wonder and awe we deserve,

and frankly, we are stripping that sweetness from the lives of our children.

I have a new motto in my house when things start to get a little crazy.

Stop, take a breath and smile.

It snaps you out of your normal ways of reacting

and allows for new, softer ways of responding to life.

It’s really a breath of fresh air to allow a sense of innocents back into your life.

This technique is very usefuly for our creative endeavors.

When practicing yoga, painting, playing music or even a walk you have taken 100 times,

can you step into the seat of curiosity?

What will be different this time if you are not just going through the motions?

You will be surprised about what shows up and it also takes pressure off of perfection.

Pick one thing you do regularly and for a month,

approach it with eyes wide open.

Don't bitch about it.

I was a tidy child.

Control issues.

I’ve gotten better, in my older age.

There are much more interesting things to do than clean.

I grew up with a single Mother and 2 younger sisters.

She worked full time and also went to school.

We didn't have a dishwasher.

My sisters were too little for cleaning.

It would drive me nuts to see the dishes pile up.

Of course, my Mother, got to everything when she could.

I would take it upon myself to clean, do dishes and laundry.

Not so much to be a big helper,

but because of my neurosis.

After completing such tasks,

I remember not looking for praise,

but having the desier to complain about something I had done

by my own free will.

It served a purpose for me and no one else.

When I would start this up with Mom,

she would say, if you’re going to do something without being asked,

Don’t bitch about it.

Wow, game changer.

I have remembered that teaching for 25 years.

It stuck with me as some of the best advice my Mother gave me.

Think about how many things we do, with unspoken agreements from other people.

Your children didn’t ask you to make them lunch.

You don’t need to vacuum to survive.

No one said you have to walk the dog.

Just because I think this “has to get done”,

doesn’t make it law.

Think about the manuals you have for other people in your life,

that they have no clue about.

Do what you do for you.

If you want help or agreements about systems,

make sure everyone involved is in agreement and on the same page.

It’s the same for how you choose to raise your children,

spend your free time,

eat

and live your life in general.

When we project on to others what’s right and wrong for them,

it can drive us nuts and strain relationships.

As long as no one is being hurt,

let people live their lives how they choose.

It may not make sense to you, but if it doesn’t affect you,

who cares?

“You oughta spend a little more time dealing with yourself, and a little less time worrying about what your brother does.” (Ferris Buellers Day Off)

Mom also told me, kill with kindness.

The best.

Thanks Mom.

XO

Christmas in Mexico

This is what I want the title of my memoir to be.

As it would be the ideal description of my life.

Sparkling lights.

Religious iconography.

Perfect sunsets.

And of course, margaritas.

I look for plane tickets to some location that is not my home usually weekly.

I never book a flight.

But knowing I could if I wanted to makes me somehow feel better.

That if all else fails,

I’ve got an out.

Wrong.

Fat chance.

I’ve been there, and done that,

too many times to count.

If I can live on the beach and teach yoga,

everything will be amazing.

If Im in a country steeped with cultural tradition and art,

I will feel more alive and connected to spirit.

Where siesta are encouraged,

and a 6 day work week is a way of life.

Where families live together and support one another

until it makes sense to go off on their own.

Everyone has their own “Christmas in Mexico”,

but we all know that;

where ever you go, there you are.

The, If I just had this one thing, then everything will be amazing, syndrome

is a way of life for many of us.

It’s only the momentary tequila buzz or sea breeze sun salutation

that convinces me it would change everything.

Running away to a new house, a new country, a new partner or a new job,

changes nothing about who you are on the inside.

How you control your thoughts.

How you stay motivated and encouraged.

How you offer compassion to yourself and others.

Unless you are in an abusive situation, you really can be happy anywhere

because emotions are based on thoughts, not circumstance.

Do you have preference? Yes.

Are there things that suite your skills better? Absolutely.

My mentor, Brooke Castillo, of The Life Coach School says, change nothing until you’re happy.

Other people and things don’t create your happiness, your thoughts do.

If you believe if free will,

then you should believe you have the freedom of what you choose to think.

Will people be jerks? Yep.

Will your job be boring? You can guarantee it.

But it still does not choose your thoughts for you.

I choose to find joy and contentment in the act of being alive.

If I have expectations of someone,

it is my responsibility to make sure they know that and are in agreement with it.

If I want to feel more successful with work and making meaningful connections,

I need to get my self out there and take a step in the direction of the greatness I seek.

It will not happen with me tucked away watching Netflix.

Be the bad ass boss that you are.

In control of your thoughts and feelings.

And then, when there are random acts of kindness in the world, bonus.

Trust me, when you start taking care of you the best,

leaving things in the world better than you found them,

you are in a state of allowing abundance to come your way.

Expect nothing, work your butt off and you will receive more than you ever thought possible.

This doesn’t mean I don’t plan on spending Christmas in Mexico,

because that sounds amazing.

But it might mean a Margarita in the snow may be a new tradition.

The happiness I seek only exists in one place.

And I don’t need to get on a plane to find it.

Salud!

Bubble Boundaries

I have three year old son.

He is extremely affectionate.

He also uses his need/desire for physical contact as a manipulation tool,

when he wants to distract me from the matter at hand.

It’s very clever.

How can a Mother deny her Childs request for hugs and kisses?

It’s hard, but it must be done.

He also doesn’t fully understand personal space.

He expresses his boundaries, but has yet to understand that I have them too.

We came up with a term in our house called “bubble boundary”.

The more I think about relationships and how offended we can get by the other,

but how little we look at our own actions, I realized, it’s not just three year olds,

it’s everyone.

I don’t need to explain, hopefully, what bubble boundary means.

But what I would like to express is that it’s good to define what your bubble boundaries are.

And, to have a way you can clearly and easily express them to people that pop yours.

People who we think don’t respect our boundaries,

might not actually know what they are.

We spend a lot of time assuming false realities based on our own perceptions of the world,

and not the reality of the others actual thoughts and intentions.

Virtual communication is particularly good for creating these assumptions.

Confrontation is hard.

If you can get very clear to yourself about what your boundries are,

you can express them without worry of too much drama.

Boundaries are necessary in maintaining healthy relationships.

They are personal space limitations we all have and need.

I think if we establish boundaries more in our relationships,

a deeper level of understanding can exist without anger or feelings getting hurt.

Once you have made things clear before an incident occurs,

all you need to do is throw your hands in the air and say,

“Bubble Boundary”, and it’s an automatic non—negotiable pause.

We can not blame others for making us feel bad

when they don’t know what our limits, needs and boundaries are.

It is every individuals personal responsibility to ask for what they need.

If those needs are not met, then it is your choice to direct your energy elsewhere.

If you're feeling the victim by other peoples actions,

try expressing your bubble boundaries, it might do the trick.

What do you value?

Our senses are on constant overload.

It’s more important now than ever,

that our thoughts are strongly rooted in our values.

I think this is true for the groups we belong to,

most importantly, our families.

Have you ever asked your partner, children or yourself, what your values are?

It might be time.

If you never think about them or define them, how do you know if you are supporting them?

When my values are clear in my head I make better decisions.

I bounce back from disappointments.

I take things other people do less personal.

Most importantly, my thoughts are in alignment with my highest self.

This is the fullest and best expression of who I want to be and why.

When we define our values, there’s no guessing.

We are better at attracting others with who are like minded.

We are better at showing up for our loved ones, community and ourself in ways that are meaningful.

Values are things that are of great importance in our lives.

They take priority over other things.

They hold great merit and worth for ways we spend our time at work and at play.

The values I hold of highest regard in my life and what they mean to me are:

Authenticity: the willingness to be vulnerable and bold.

Responsibility: taking ownership of my thoughts, feelings and actions

Compassion: the ability to exhibit empathy for myself and all beings everywhere.

Creativity: expressing the spark of my essence that will never die and connects me to the great mysteries of life.

Adventure: from the everyday routines to off trail backpacking, there is an shift of the heart when you allow each new moment to shine.

If you are interested in creating some real intimacy in your life, this will do the trick.

Get cleat about you.

No more excuses.

No more blaming.

The time is now.

There’s room in this for you.

Let’s ride this wave together.

Why I care.

I believe we are all here with the limitless possibility to create meaning in our lives.

This doesn’t alway mean happiness.

I do think joy however, is a byproduct of a life worth living.

This is different for everyone.

Living an ordinary life full of routine can be mundane or full of magic.

The choice is up to you.

If you approach your routine from the same perspective everyday, it’s going to be the same.

When you open up to the endless possibilities of how you can experience your world,

creativity takes over.

This is the spark of divinity that runs through each of us.

If you don’t stop to look around once and a while, you will miss all of it.

The peace that comes from allowing life to happen and making space for creativity

changes the world.

The only way to truly make real lasting positive change,

is by being a example of what’s possible.

I want nothing more than to see your light shining as bright as it can.

Creativity is your birthright.

I want to live in a world where more peace exists.

This starts with each one of us.

It’s dedicated hardworking.

But nothing worth doing is easy.

You don’t have to navigate the waters alone.

I am here to help you on this path.

There is room in this for you.