finding vibhuti

2018 was my year of saying yes,

to all of the things I usually say no to.

You can’t transform if you don’t change.

It’s not possible.

I am a hands on learner.

I can read books and watch videos,

but the essence for me is in the pulse of life connection.

It’s also hard for me to connect to a community virtually,

but I have. And that feels good too.

Every time I close my eyes for conscious breathing,

I realize I have all of the answers I will ever need

and also, that I know absolutely nothing at all.

I was invited to attend a sisters circle last night.

When I heard about it, I was intrigued.

I have very little experience as an adult in a group of women

on an intimate level.

It is something I am actively seeking.

But of course,

when the time came,

I could have easily stayed home.

I didn’t know what to expect really.

I may know one or two of the sisters, but not close.

But, this is my year and I have to put in the work

when the offer is so blatently presented.

I bought some dark chocolate as an offering.

Brushed my hair.

Had an early dinner with my sweetheart and off I went.

I am not a shy person,

in fact, I have no problem meeting most people.

I am however an introvert and never get lonely,

which is why staying home is always the easier option.

The details of the entire event are not what is important here.

However, I was gifted a very special sacred powder manifest from the hands of a revered Guru.

Blessed by enchanting Priestess named Amethyst.

I felt the subtle layer of my body where I hold my deepest truths, soften.

I cried.

I signed so deeply that I could see the basket of arms for the game of trust I have been longing to experience with a group of women open eternally for me.

Needless to say, it was life altering.

I didn’t know anyone.

But I knew every single one of them by heart.

If I didn’t say yes,

I would have been in my pajamas

listening to a podcast

working on my watercolors.

All great things.

But things I have done before and will have the change to again.

If you want your life to look different,

you have to step outside of your comfort zone.

You have to say yes to the things that knock on your door.

Put your coat on

and go for a walk.

It always turns out way better than you could have possibly imagined.

Next time you wish your life was different,

ask your self when was the last time you changed?

lose yourself

I couldn’t sleep last night.

This doesn’t happen often.

I have too many ideas

and not enough to show for my thoughts.

The endless possibilities of this year’s final dark moon was calling.

I am awake and listening.

In a world where anything is possible,

I can’t seem to hold on to the best of me and let it shine.

I don’t need fame

or fortune,

just the ability to sleep at night knowing my creative endeavors

mean something.

From my energetic and spiritual perspective, any pursuit made from the heart is worthy,

regardless of who knows.

This year I have been working with courage.

Not the absence of fear,

yet the presence of unflinching faith in vulnerability.

Saying yes more to the deepest parts of me

and saying no to the illusions that only ever served as a reminder of the distant truth.

I believe our work is what’s in front of us.

Its what we resist the most.

Moving through resistance brings great transformation.

But not when you white knuckle it.

You can’t move into a a state of real change kicking and screaming.

There has to be a sense of allowing and letting go.

Of losing yourself.

The regrets of the past

and the story of the future.

The constructs that have scared you into believing

you need to be different

and you’re not enough.

“If you had

One shot

Or one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted

In one moment

Would you capture it

Or just let it slip?” (Eminem, 2002)

I want to believe I would throw myself wildly into the unknown of this moment.

Would you?

The reality is,

it’s not just one moment.

Every single moment holds this opportunity.

To go deep,

past the veil,

through the shadows and flames.

To lose yourself

and to find what you’ve become

wasn’t so scary after all.

It was you.

Ritual Practice: The Hunter's Full Moon

La Luna… The moon is the closest celestial body to the earth, making the energetic impact it has on our internal and environmental rhythms very significant.  As humans we experience our life in cycles, and if you pay attention, the energetic implications of your emotional body corresponds with the moon’s phase is a way that is worth noting.  It may give you some insight into why you may have heightened emotions or more apathy during specific times of the month. For this reason, I think moon rituals, especially on the new and full moons are amazingly auspicious times for creating intentions and aligning your energetic body with that of our closest celestial sister, the moon.  This is all based primarily on my own personal observations and experience. Today I will talk about a Full Moon ritual as we are less than 24 hours away from the fullness of the Hunter’s Full Moon. If you wish to dive further into this subject based on the zodiac and astrology, I encourage you to do so. That subject matter however, is not my expertise.  I base much of my ritual practice on deep observation of my subtle bodies and how I respond to the natural world itself, the earth, moon and universal connection. Ritual is any ceremony you would like to perform that invokes a deep connection and sentiment to you. It is a sacred practice that does not need to mean anything special to anyone but yourself.  Ritual can be the long, hot bath your treat yourself to on Sunday’s with your special bath salts. I believe it is an act of self care that pays tribute to the truest part of our divine nature.

The Hunter’s Full moon, is a name given to this usually late October full moon based on Native American tradition.  It is the end of the harvest season, the leaves have fallen, the deep woods are more in view and the light of the full moon guides the hunters to find their game, plump and ready to be food for the long winter ahead.  With this imagery, let’s take a journey to our personal lives. The apex of the full moon is a time to reflect on the fullness of your life. What have you been working on these last several weeks and what is really shining for you with full exposure?  With this specific full moon, I think it is a great opportunity to reflect on the year as a whole. Now that the leaves have fallen and your inner workings are ripe and of their fullest potential, what will you take into the darker, quieter months to feed your soul, tend to your loved ones, express as a creative venture? It is an amazing opportunity to be fully present, nothing to hide behind, exposing that part of yourself that may not have been ready to shine forward.  But maybe now, there is nowhere to hide. Courage can not exist without fear. But it is the promise of transformation on the other side that makes courageous acts possible. Let the softness of the earth's floor and the lull of the hazy moon hold and guide you in to these last months of the year where you can put the finishing touches on the masterpiece that is your life.

A practice in moon bathing. No matter where you are in your journey, fully expressed or still trying to find that little push to get you to your next step, find a special, palm sized object that means something special to you. Under the light of the full moon, even if you can not see it, whisper your deepest desires of your greatest wish for transformation into this object, sit quietly and breathe deeply.  Let your sacred object rest in your hands on your lap and for as much time as you can, allow the radiance of the moon to enter into ever pore of your body. Permeating the skin, every cell and organ. Let it go deep into the tissues and bone.  Feel the moonlight from your being start to radiate out of your palms into your sacred object, your portal of deep intention. Be with this feeling, allow it to enliven your being and fill any place where you feel stiff, dull or void. Bring your attention back to your wish and know with all of your heart, that the power of your being infused with the power of this full moon has the wisdom to carry your dreams into reality.  Be still and radiate in the magnificence of all that you are. Know, that by tuning into finding more peace with the essence of who we truly are, we create more peace in the world. Remember, we are all born with the same internal potential, sometimes it just needs to be illuminated to hear that whisper of remembrance...of course it was you, it was always you.